Sunday, 22 April 2012

A free trip story


A friend of mine asked me why in the rarest of occasion when I do write, it’s quite certain that I will be bashing the country.  Well, let’s deviate from that for this one… though, not exactly much…

A story was relayed to me when I was back at my KL office last week.  I have heard of such stories being circulated via word of mouth and you probably did to.  But to actually hear it first hand… that was quite something…

The mother of a colleague of mine is a member of this association, which shall remain unnamed.  Just to be clear, it is not a political association. And so, this association sent out a notice telling all its members that a free trip is available for anyone who is available on the trip date.

It’s a free day-trip to a local destination that covers everything – and my colleague’s mom thought… why not?  The free trip is not only open to the association’s members, but family members as well.  My colleague; being a filial daughter, decided to accompany her mom.

And so, the day arrived.  All the uncles and aunties together with so and so who tagged along for the free trip all happily boarded the bus, looking forward to a day of fun, fully paid. 

As soon as the bus hit the road though… things took a twist…

The supposed tour guide then announced in the bus saying that the free trip has been cancelled.  Instead, everyone in the bus has now been given the “supreme privilege” to meet a VVIP of the country.  Everyone was “carefully selected” for this supreme privilege… so it seems…

That’s not all.  Everyone will also be given a free T-shirt to wear during the meeting with this VVIP and... get paid!  Wow, things just get better isn’t it?  From a trip to a trip where you will get paid…

There is a catch though… in order to earn this supreme privilege and obtain payment, everyone must clap when the VVIP arrives and… and… and… sing a song!  If you do not know how to sing… not a problem at all.  It will be taught to everyone during the journey.

You may be asking... how can one learn a song within such a short period of time? Well, it is a very simple song.  Similar to the ABC song... this is actually a number song.  In fact, it's much simpler... instead of having to sing all the numbers, you only need to say only "satu"...

This song... a lot of the word "satu" in it.
(satu = one in Malay).

Of course, that free t-shirt has got a big “1” printed on it.  Something tells me you know what is the word that comes after 1.

All the uncles and aunties with their innocent tag-alongs were sent to some school where the VVIP arrived and everyone was to clap and of course… sing the important “satu” song.  Apparently, there other buses arriving from other places… seemingly bring other souls who thought they were going for free trips.

It was a cheerful atmosphere.  People clapped and sang and at the end of the day, everyone was paid… MYR20.  Apparently, the VVIP said during his speech that he was so happy that many came to support him.

Woooaah… free bus ride, free t-shirt, free singing lesson, meet a VVIP and now… free money! Where to find!

I don’t know about you but that sure beat a free trip anytime… next time you hear of anyone getting free trips, be sure to join them ya… you might just get this supreme privilege.

Sunday, 5 February 2012

Dear Home... what happened to you?


It has been a long time since I had the Chinese New Year reunion dinner back at home, it has been an affair at the restaurant for a while now.  But my aunt and my sis decided to cook and hence, we had our last reunion dinner back at home.

Speaking of home, it has also been a while since I went back.  I mean when I am back, it's usually for a brief stay as most of the time, I will take my Dad out for lunch or dinner.  So with the reunion dinner happening back home, for the first time since I moved out... I spent some time back at my home.

I arrived early, helped out a bit, had a proper dinner and stayed back to chill for a while.  It gave me an opportunity to actually spend some time looking around the house.... more specifically, the neighbourhood.

It's not the best neighbourhood but it was nice, or how it used to me.  Nice food store everywhere and most people are familiar faces.   Now though, it's like foreign land.  Most of the people of my generation have moved out while those of my parents' generation tend to stick around.  Well, either they stick around or they leave for the eternal resting place.

When I looked around after parking my car when I was back for reunion, I realised that the neighbourhood is now infested with .... honestly, I don't even know the origin of these people.  One thing for sure, they are not Malaysians - wait, maybe they do carry MyKad, you'll never know.

From the mid section of my house, I could look across to the mid section of other units within the block (yeah, it's one of those very old design of low-cost flats). My neighbours used to familiar faces of aunties and uncles who either man the nearby fruit store or hawkers.  Now though when I looked across, I actually saw all the rooms are now rented out to (again) people whom I can't accurately tell where their origin is.  And there were a lot of them. 

And they didn't give me a friendly look either.

The coffee-shops and convenient stores within the area have all been changed to either "mamak" store or middle-eastern eateries.

I feel like an outsider now, I feel like I don't know this place anymore.

One would hope that such drastic changes would be a result of progress... or development.  But no... I can't even find a word to describe the transformation that has taken place here.

And something tells me that this change that I am witnessing - will only gather momentum.

Just to digress a little... a country usually deports illegal immigrants.  But in Malaysia, I was told that all the illegal immigrants can just go to the embassy and get themselves registered and voila... they become legal.  I understand millions, who we have no idea why they are in Malaysia and what economic contribution they can bring into Malaysia can now call Malaysia their home.

After my reunion dinner, I thought to myself... Home, what happened to you?

I guess in the not so distant future, I will have to ask the same thing about my country.

Or maybe, I should asking already. 

Monday, 2 January 2012

Testing testing 1 2 3

Hello world!!!!!! Do you miss me? (perasan....)

Alright, as a new year is upon us... I would like to think that I should update this blog a little bit more often.  Have to admit, work has been a killer in this tiny red dot.

Anyway, I do like to know whether any souls still wander into this blog anymore.  Have to admit another thing... Don't think I would like to write when this blog is already hidden deep within a forgotten memory... yeah, a bit of a writer ego there if you want to call it as such...

So yeah... if anyone still drop by... leave a comment or a mark or any kind. Am really interested in knowing if my thoughts will still be sought... 

Sunday, 9 October 2011

Malaysians react like dicks to BN and pussies to PR


C’mon, you and I know it.  Dicks are easily aroused.  It doesn’t matter if you don’t know the girl or the girl is a total bitch.  Just an extra bit of cleavage or a skirt that is an inch too short till it shows some knickers, some dicks get steamed.  Yes, steam… the Malaysian way of referring to an erection. 

And that is how most Malaysians react to BN, just like dicks. 

It doesn’t matter how much BN has screwed up the country, but just some sweeteners… hmmm, steam already.  Take the recent agreement to form some committee to review the electoral process… wah, check out the reaction in facebook… all dicks got hard.  I even saw a comment saying BN has finally woken up and will reform.  No need to know the details, just one announcement is enough to make you steam.  See now what entailed out of it…

It doesn’t matter whether they spent MYR1.8b in a facebook page or wasted MYR12b+ in PKFZ or going to spend MYR5b on a mega structure (is this still going on?) or blew the budget in building the palace and a whole fucking long list of fucked-ups.  Just announced that there will be no toll during Hari Raya… steam! Everyone happy…

For those who received tax refund earlier in the year… for perhaps a couple of hundreds, or maybe slightly more than a thousand bucks… wahhhh, steam until without fucking also can cum.  I actually saw a few comments saying… if govt refund me every year, I don’t mind voting them. 

It’s like to some dicks, don’t even need to show cleavage… bra strap also can make them steam already.  No need to reform... just show indication of reform... everyone will support BN for sure.

Ok… some may say credit should be given when credit is due.  I agree.  But the thing is, most Malaysians react to PR like pussies.

C’mon, you and I know it.  It can be quite a task to make a arouse a pussy.  The environment must be right, maybe put on some music, maybe also need a romantic dinner before that, you have to say the right thing and of course… you need to touch the right place.  Your fingers require great skills… maybe some tongue action… a lot of effort.

But just as you get the juice flowing, you called her Evon when her name was Elaine… boomz… all your efforts gone. An absolute FML situation.

And that is how most Malaysians react to PR, just like pussies. 

Recognised by the Auditor General as the most efficient state, achieved a very rare surplus budget, high level of investment, the chief minister travels with AirAsia (yes he did), the chief minister eats at coffee shop… all these are expected, nothing out of the ordinary.  But just one fuck-up… Kampung Buah Pala… ohhhh… PR cannot rule, PR don’t know how to rule, etc. etc.

Subsidised water bill, management of all the abandon projects, initiatives to help the poor and a whole list of things the Selangor state govt has done where BN will never do… all are expected.  But, just 1 church raid fiasco… ohhhh… Selangor state govt losing grip… ohhh… Selangor state govt cannot rule… the pussies get turned off.

A whole long list of qualified, competent, willing to serve the people type of MPs as compared to those on the other side… and then you have 1 or 2 who came out to make stupid statements… ohhh… PR in deep shit… ohhh… PR not united… ohhh… PR just like BN.

A promise of a clean govt, open tender, cleaning up of the judiciary... which we ALL wanted.... but just one dispute on hudud.... damn, the pussy is dry already....

On that note... any BN govt dudes reading this post... don't need to millions to all the public relations company to boost your image.  Employ me... I charge 10%, and I sure know how to make all these dickhead steam until XXX you in the ballot paper...

For PR fellas... too bad, you're fucked... you know hard it is to please pussies... metaphorically speaking of course. 

Sunday, 18 September 2011

Malaysians in orgasm and cum watch this video

All Malaysians were led into an orgy of orgasm via the "ISA-to-be-repealed" announcement.  Unfortunately, not many realised that the orgasm they felt (or still feeling), was induced through syiok-sendiri type masturbation instead of full fledge sex.

Firstly, ISA is not abolished yet... and the terms of conditions applicable are... 2 new laws to be enacted as replacement for ISA.

So while all Malaysians were basking in orgasm... apparently, the now much loved BN govt is telling Bangladeshis that they can come and vote in Malaysia.  But of course, we all intellectual Malaysians know it's not true... Why? Because the BN govt denied it.  So it must not be true.

But if you believe that piece of news is true... then you would love this and... spread it!

Even Lee Chong Wei and the uncle at the Yut Kee coffee shop are getting into the act!

Tuesday, 9 August 2011

Hypothetical problems from legalisation of illegal workers


Over the last few weeks, there have been several allegations about how the Malaysian govt’s move to legalise illegal workers has taken a further step – by granting these once illegal workers citizenship, a right to vote.  Some sites even published screen caption of people with red MyKad being a registered voter, etc. etc.

There will be people who choose not to believe such allegations, while some will. And there are those who just don’t give a shit.  I believe it’s true. I don’t have the proof but that’s just me.  You can think otherwise.

The current noise seems to centre upon this being translated into more votes for the ruling regime, electoral fraud, dirtiest general election, etc.  I think that is pretty short-sighted.

Since I don’t have proof, I think I need to assess the situation hypothetically.  When all these thousands illegal workers who became or will become citizens of Malaysia hypothetically ended up helping you-know-who win the next election, do you think that’s the end of it?

Hypothetically speaking, will they be able to find job?  Where will they stay?  If they are not able to secure a job, what will they do to survive, (hypothetically speaking of course)?  Will they resort to (hypothetically speaking) committing crime? 

Humanity factors aside, are they “clean” from diseases?  In case you don’t know, some maids who carry “official” health certifications have not actually gone through tests because these “official” health certificates were obtained ala “boleh” style.

What if they start telling their comrades that there is free citizenship on offer (hypothetically speaking) and everyone back home can now come and claim this?

Hypothetically speaking, if they are Muslims, it means their children will be considered bumiputera.  What does that mean to you and me?

Anyone care to add?

If the allegations are hypothetically true (the sentence sounds wrong but what the heck…), it is not about “ohhh, so and so will win election”… “ohhh, going to have a lot of phantom voters… “ohhh, this is why we need Bersih”… “ohhh, we need another royal inquiry”…

It is more than that.  What we need to really comprehend is that the ruling regime is willing to risk everything just to make sure they remain in power.  Some call it treason, but I disagree.   They are not selling the nation to another sovereign power (maybe not yet).

It is however, betrayal at the highest order.

But then again, it may not be true – so no worries.

And of course, the nasi-lemak, char-kuey-teow and bak-kut-teh still taste good – so why worry.

And why should you listen to Zewt who is not based in Malaysia talking about hypothetical problems in Malaysia – so don’t bother. 

Sunday, 10 July 2011

She who walked on behalf of Malaysians

My initial intent was to blog about my experience of gathering with fellow Malaysians at Hong Lim Park, Singapore - some 150 odd of us congregated in solidarity of our comrades back home.  Yes, Malaysians all over the world were allowed to gather peacefully - except for 1 country... the home country.

But that has to take a backstage, for a woman is now the Malaysian Lady Of Liberty. The name is Annie Ooi (hope I get the name right) - who defies the saying "the spirit is willing, but the body is weak".  For her, both spirit and body are as strong as ever.

While millions only dared to stay in front of the computer checking facebook updates, Annie endured tear gas and water cannon - for she was deemed as a threat to national security.  And in a way, she endured all that on behalf of us all.

It will be my honour to one day shake Annie's hand.





BN Govt - the mainstream media may protect you, but in truth - you're truly fucked this time. 

Tuesday, 28 June 2011

3 degrees of mediocrity

The first degree…

Slightly more than 2 years ago (before I moved to Singapore), me and a bunch of friends made our way to Singapore for a sports event.  A friend of mine brought his girlfriend along.  For the girlfriend, it was her first holiday trip out of Malaysia. 

No, my friend was not dating a young teenager.  But rather, she is from a not so well to do family which limits her opportunity to travel overseas.  Ya’ know, not everyone has the luxury to trot around the world and post pictures of such trotting over facebook.

Anyway... It was after a dinner function and me, my mate & his girlfriend with another mate wanted to go to Orchard Road.  We hailed for a cab as we saw one coming.

As it stopped, I opened the door and immediately got into cab, only to realise that there was a little commotion taking place between my other mates and the girlfriend.

Do you know what happened?

My mate’s girlfriend was in complete shock that I just jumped into the cab without telling the cabbie where we wanted to go, obtain an agreement from the cabbie that he will take us there and succumb to a cut-throat price.  She could not believe it, to the extent that she didn’t dare to get into the cab in that instance – needed some convincing.

You should have seen her reaction and what she uttered out in Cantonese – it was quite hilarious.

Later on in the trip, she continued to be shocked by the fact that public buses and MRT are on time… public toilets are clean… there are hardly any potholes on the road, the list goes on.

Let’s not term this as “katak bawah tempurung”.  Like I said, some people are just not born into a fortunate family which allows them to occasionally jump out of the “tempurung”.  And hence, for these Malaysians; who grew up in such environment – these people are abused by mediocrity without them knowing it.  Mediocrity is not a choice, it’s just the way it is for these people.

The first degree of mediocrity… is when mediocrity is not known to be mediocrity.


The second degree…

Look into the mirror, chances are you will see one who falls within this category.  Ya’ know, those of us who are fortunate to know about the outside world due to the luxury of physically jumping out of the “tempurung”.  Such luxuries which give us the opportunities to realise that the room for improvement in so many things are huge.

But so what? We know things suck, and we just don’t give a damn.  We are used to it.  Mediocrity is a lifestyle.  As long as you’re in Malaysia, it’s expected and accepted.  We live with it.

The second degree of mediocrity… is when mediocrity is normality.


The third degree…

This was quite some time ago and I was travelling in a cab in Malaysia.  Yup – the one where I have to tell the cabbie where I want to go, get an approval from him and be screwed in terms of fare. 

I like to talk to cabbies – always an enlightening experience.  And so, our conversation flowed from food to new roads being built to traffic jams and ended up with cars.  Proton came into the picture.  To cut the long story short, I made a comment about the infamous quality of Proton’s power (or powerless) window, to which the cabbie responded…

“Kenapa orang sering cakap pasal tingkap Proton?  Mana ada tingkap kereta yang tak rosak lepas setahun?  Saya dengar tingkap kereta Jepun pun rosak selepas setahun.  Ini hah (referring to his Proton)… tingkap yang masih ok, lebih setahun dah.  Ini hah Proton lebih baik dari kereta Jepun!”
[Why do people often talked about Proton’s window? Are there power windows that remain fuctional more than a year?  I heard Japanese cars’ windows will be spoilt after a year too.  This Proton of mine, the windows are still fine after a year. Proton is better than Japanese car!]

I soon realised he was not being sarcastic.  He was serious.  I was not against him defending Proton – but was astonished that he actually believed that Proton was better than any other car out there.  The conversation continued to flow and this too came from him…

“Negara kita ada angkasawan!  Negara lain mana ada.  Indonesia ada? Singapura ada? Thailand ada? Ini bermakna Malaysia lagi hebat dari negara lain!”
[Our country had an astronaut.  Other countries don’t.  Does Indonesia have one? Does Singapore have? Does Thailand have?  It means Malaysia is better than other countries!]

I do not know whether I should shatter the cabbie’s pride.  Actually, I reckon I can’t.  He was really into it.   I can only pay tribute to the effectiveness of propaganda. And believe me, there are actually quite a number of people out there who falls within this category.

And hence, the third degree of mediocrity… is when mediocrity is believed to be superiority.


Monday, 6 June 2011

A piece at MI

I know I have not been updating here but hey.... I did pen my thoughts here.

It's a column that I mentioned in my previous post.

I will still be writing here still...

Thursday, 26 May 2011

Just because it's home?

Migration or in a lesser context, move to work overseas seem to be the flavoured discussion at the moment.  MalaysianInsider even started columns where people wrote in to say why they leave and why they stay.

Anyway… one of the main reasons why people decide to stay, besides the usual good nasi-lemak, char-kuet-teow and bak-kut-teh (which was specifically mentioned by someone in that MalaysianInsider column mind you…) is that Malaysia, regardless of how bad it is, it is still our home.

I wouldn’t dispute that – the point on Malaysian being home, not on staying.  It is our home, no doubt about it.  We were born in Malaysia and spent most of our formative years here.  There will always be a “Malaysia” element within us. 

But… does that mean that you must stay?

Following this, I have a thought… though it only applies to Chinese and Indians.

If you are a Chinese or an Indian, and decide to stay simply because Malaysia is home… can you just pause for a while and imagine…

Imagine…
Imagine…
Imagine…

That your grandparent or your great grandparent decided to stay in China / India simply because China / India is home.  That no matter how poor or chaotic China was during those days, it was still home and your grandparent decided to stay.  That no matter how difficult it is to make a living in India during those days, it was still home. 

If your grandparent adopted this perceived noble mentality…

What would become of you…

… a Chinese who spits everywhere who you look down on?
… a cheap IT call-centre person in Bangalore?
… a masseur giving traditional Chinese foot massages in Jalan Bukit Bintang?
… living in the slum of Mumbai?
… a cheap factor worker in ShenZhen?
… appearing in those “Only in India” pictures that you forward to each other?

If your grandparent decided to remain in China or India simply because it’s home… really… what would become of you… today?


Updated:  While some have commented that we could also be the son of a property tycoon in Hong Kong, or the son of the coal tycoon in China or the son of the telecommunication tycoon in India... let us all be honest and admit that we are all glad that our grandparent did not choose to stay in China/India just because it was home.




4 years ago… A professional mistake

Monday, 2 May 2011

Conversation at the MRT

It's election fever in Singapoe and the other day, I was in the MRT standing next to 2 (presumably) Singaporeans, amongst other people of course.  But the conversation of these two caught my attention. 

1 guy flipped the newspaper he was holding and said… “See… this is very healthy, opposition is actually getting very good media coverage”. Well, I have no idea who is opposition and who is collation candidate here but it’s definitely encouraging to see mainstream media giving good coverage to opposition, unlike “you know where”.

The sentiments here in Singapore are pretty much the same with Malaysia – that election should happen some time this year.   Naturally, the mainstream media here is also playing its part in doing coverage of potential candidates, etc.

What transpired thereafter was quite an eye-opener…

The same guy continued to flip his newspaper and reached this page where he said to his friend…

“Eh… this candidate… I know her.  She is in the same faculty as me.  We used to be in NUS together.  And I know she is also etc, etc, etc…”

The conversation went on for a while between them till the other guy asked…

“So are you going to vote for her since you know her so well?”

The reply given was…

“No lah… she is only from NUS, we need people from Cambridge or Harvard…”

Such is the benchmark…

Do you know what qualification (if any), our MPs / Malaysian leaders have?




4 years ago… Sign of times

Friday, 15 April 2011

I did something for tomorrow, did you?

During the last peoples' power tsunami, I was out of the country... for a substantial period of time.  I missed it...

As the country heads into another historical moment tomorrow... I will again be out of the country, and also be out of Singapore... for the entire week. 

I hope it is a good omen.

And... to those of you who once commented anonymously that you choose to "stay back and fight" and those who left the country shouldn't be complaining about the country.  There were also some very harsh words.

I want to ask all those of you today... what have you done that amounts to "I choose to stay and fight?"

I don't know about you but I sponsored someone to fly back to vote tomorrow.

Not telling this to show off but I really want to ask those who said "I choose to stay back and fight"... What have you done?